


Queer Eye for the Drarry Guys

by Blowfish_Diaries



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Discussion of Adoption, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hermione is a genius, LCDrarry, Lacy pants, M/M, Mutual Pining, Raising Teddy Lupin, Teddy is a little sass master, The Fab Five, queer eye
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24008920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blowfish_Diaries/pseuds/Blowfish_Diaries
Summary: Teddy's dads are great! Really. They're just a bit clueless and need a little nudge from five *fabulous* guys to get them to see the truth that's right in front of them.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 331
Collections: Lights Camera Drarry 2020





	Queer Eye for the Drarry Guys

**Author's Note:**

> A thousand thank you's to L for her amazing guidance, suggestions, and support during the writing of this.
> 
> Timeline: ModernAU (the war happened ca. 2012ish so that the story takes place today).

[Dash-cam shows Tan driving on the right with Jonathan riding shotgun, and Karamo, Bobby, and Antoni squeezed into the back seat.]

“Pip pip cheerio! We’re here in the land of the Beatles, Austin Powers, tea and crumpets, and the QUEEN, queens! Hell yes we’re in Jolly Old England!” Jonathan says, clapping his hands and bouncing in his seat. “I cannot wait to find us a Mr Darcy standing on a windy moor with his hair whipping around like a Willow Smith daydream. And a special ‘hey girl!’ to our magical viewers, who are getting these episodes absolutely free with the new International Wizard Broadcasting Company. Welcome to the world of no-maj technology! Who’s our first ever magical assignment Karami-bear?” 

“Ok guys, this is a special one. We got the most amazing, most sincere letter from a young man named Teddy who nominated his two dads. You know what? I just need to read this cute-bomb to y’all.” Karamo whips out a piece of paper and begins to read. 

“Dear Mr Queer Eyes,

My name is Edward Remus Lupin but you can call me Teddy and I am seven years old. My dad and my mum died in the war when I was a tiny baby, so I’m being raised by my godfather who’s called Harry and my cousin who’s called Draco. I love them a lot and they’re my dads. We all live together in a big old house in London and also we have a West Highland Terrier called Troglobite and a house elf called Kreacher who is very grumpy. My Aunt Hermione lets me watch your show when I stay with her and Uncle Ron and you help people look prettier and also make their lives way better. My Harry and my Draco need someone to make their lives prettier and better by a lot. Harry wears a lot of clothes that are too big for him and sometimes have rips and Draco says that it drives him spare. And Draco only wears wizarding robes even when we have family time and I get to wear my jimjams. But what’s the most important thing for you to fix is that Harry and Draco are in love with each other but they pretend that they _don’t_ love each other. You need to help them be in love in public! My dads should be happy because they are such good dads and they make me happy, but they look sad a lot I think. Please help them and maybe help our house not have so many spiderwebs. I promise to be a really helpful helper when you come to London so please please please please come and help my dads!

Best Wishes,

Edward R. Lupin.

PS my Aunt Hermione wrote this but I told her what to write so if there are spelling mistakes then they are her fault. I am a very good speller.”

“OH MY GOD I am like actually crying!” Jonathan yells. 

“That is the cutest thing I’ve ever heard and I have three nieces! Sorry girls, Uncle Bobby loves you the most though!” Bobby adds, grimacing at the camera. 

“So, Teddy nominated his two dads, and his Aunt Hermione also wrote a letter of support. She is a very thorough woman, and assured us that Harry and Draco are completely ‘head over heels’ for each other but won’t admit it. She also sent along sixteen pages of hand-written notes about Harry and Draco to help us.” 

“Wait, are we talking about _Harry Potter_ and _Draco Malfoy_?!” Tan shouts.  
Karamo looks down at the paper again. “Ummm...yes?” 

“Boys! HOLD. THE. PHONE! I am dying! The Chosen One! We are making over The Saviour!” Tan screeches and hits the steering wheel with his hands. 

“Tanny, no one from the States knows who Harry Potter is,” Antoni points out. 

“Speak for yourself henny! I know who Harry Potter is,” Jonathan flicks his hair behind his shoulder. “Those green eyes and that iconic scar? Come through round spectacles! My cousin had like a thousand posters of him in his room.” 

“I’ve heard of Harry Potter, I think? Didn’t he foil some terrorist plot?” Karamo says, looking pensive. “But I don’t know who Draco Malfoy is. What a _name_!” 

Tan makes a noise somewhere between a groan and a yelp. “Draco sodding Malfoy is the epitome of a bad boy. Incredibly posh with the cheekbones of a god, but his family was into some terribly dark business during the war eight years ago so he was persona non grata until Harry vouched for him over and over again in the press. I guess those two have gone from arch nemeses to forbidden lovers!” Tan puts the back of his hand to his forehead dramatically. “Honestly, this is like my teenage fantasy come to life! I get to make sure Harry Potter’s bum looks fantastic in a pair of trousers!”

Antoni has several photos fanned out in his hands and tips them so Bobby can see. “I can see where Harry has room for improvement in his fashion choices… actually, it seems like they could both do with a wardrobe update, if the photos that Hermione sent along are anything to go by. Draco is sporting those old-fashioned robes that I’ve only seen septuagenarians wear in all of these pics!” 

Bobby makes a sound of agreement. “Ok everyone, let’s get ready to get down and dirty with the United Kingdom’s brightest wizarding hero and his one true love!”

[The Fab Five’s black SUV pulls up in front of row houses on a pleasant street in Islington. It’s a gray but dry London afternoon in early Spring. A sharply dressed woman with big, bushy hair bursting out of a messy bun stands next to a tall, lanky redhead. The two greet the Fab Five as they get out of the car.]

“Hi! Hello! I’m Hermione Granger! It’s so nice to see all of you! I’m such a big fan!” Hermione gestures to the man next to her. “This is my partner, Ron Weasley. We’re Harry’s best friends.”

“Hi-ya!” Ron calls and waves a bit sheepishly. 

“Hello, you gorgeous angel!” Jonathan leaps at Hermione and wraps her up in a hug. “You are radiant! A goddess!” Jonathan twirls her around. “And hello to you too, handsome!” Jonathan moves to hug Ron, who looks a bit shocked but pats his back awkwardly. 

“I’m Tan France, it’s such an honour to meet you two!” Tan moves to hug Hermione and Ron next. “I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I was in the same class as your brother Percy at Hogwarts. I’m a Ravenclaw, but we did suffer through double potions together for two years straight.”

“I know who you are!” Ron says, recognition crossing his freckled face.”Fred and George tried to convince you to sell them your tailoring spells so they could get their line of joke-clothing off the ground in their last year at school. They desperately wanted to be able to make Umbridge’s cardigans explode or maybe eat her? I don’t really remember. But they ranted about you for ages.”

Tan smiles and winks. “My work will never be used for evil! Although if I’d known it was to sabotage that vindictive harpy I’d have willingly helped. I’m a muggle-born, you know, so…” Tan shrugs. “On to happier things! We are so, so excited to work with you!” 

“I had no idea you were all wizards,” Hermione admits, extricating herself from the hug Karamo had pulled her into. 

“We’re not.” Antoni replies. “I’m a no-maj, but my ex was a wizard. He got permission to tell me after we’d been together for five years. We broke up eventually, but by then I’d already been grouped with these madmen.”

“I’m a squib!” Jonathan says and cocks his hip, looking straight at the camera. “But I don’t need a wand to perform magic! Hashtag squib-love!” 

“Bobby and I met at Ilvermorny,” Karamo explains. “Thunderbird pride!” He and Bobby high five. “My sons are both there now. Do you two have kids?”

Hermione shakes her head. “We’re in year three of our ten-year plan. No babies until year seven.” 

Ron smiles and puts his arm around Hermione. “She does all of our thinking. Any and all questions should be directed to her.” 

“Well let’s go meet the rest of the family!” Bobby looks around. “Which house is it?”

Hermione puts up her hand. “A few things, before we go in. As you know, Teddy nominated his dads. Harry knows you’re coming, but it’ll be a surprise for Teddy. And, we thought it best not to warn Draco, as he would most likely have left the country or locked himself in his bedroom for the duration of filming. He’s…a bit dramatic.”

Ron snorts. “A bit?”

Hermione rolls her eyes and continues. “As I was saying, Harry knows, and Draco will do anything for Harry and Teddy, so once he calms down it’ll be fine. Just, be prepared for some histrionics. I have duties assigned to each of you.” She pulls out a file folder from the small beaded bag at her side and flips through several pages. “Antoni, I know you like dogs so you’ll be on Troggy duty. That dog needs to be the center of attention and if he senses that people are visiting and not giving him enough cuddles, he becomes irate and for such a small thing he can be quite persistent. Karamo, you’re in charge of managing Teddy. I know you’ve children of your own and you’re the calmest presence, other than Bobby. Teddy is going to be beside himself with happiness when he sees all of you, but if he gets overwhelmed he’ll clam up and then Draco will become a mother hen and probably banish you all to Helsinki. Tan, you’ll need to use your proper British upbringing to distract Draco himself. Compliment him, but don’t be overly complimentary or he’ll get suspicious. He’ll not have the slightest idea who any of you are as he’s afraid of Muggle technology and will only watch the telly if Harry sets it up for him. And none of you are to mention said fear of technology!” 

Hermione takes a deep breath and swats some errant curls from her forehead. “Jonathan, you have to reassure Harry that he’s doing the right thing in letting you all perform your magic. He’s under the impression that it’s simply a makeover for him and is not surprised, as everyone in his life makes disparaging remarks about his clothing. He’s doing this for Teddy, so simply remind him about Teddy’s letter and how much Teddy wants to see his dads happy. Bobby, you need to make sure Jonathan doesn’t go overboard with the compliments for Harry. Or for Draco, for that matter. These two have their heads so far up their own arses regarding their mutual affection that it’ll be a miracle if you five can get them to acknowledge their feelings for each other. Merlin knows we’ve been trying for the better part of a decade. But they’re skittish, so you have to tread carefully. Both are incredibly jealous, so if Harry thinks Jonathan is flirting with Draco he’ll either go off in a strop or, worse, he’ll pretend to be supportive of your flirtation in a continuation of his self-sacrificing bullshit. And vice-versa.”

[The camera pans from Hermione to the Fab Five, who are rendered speechless. Karamo has his mouth hanging open and Antoni looks impressed and a little turned on.]

Ron claps his hands, calling the group to attention. “Right! Yeah, thanks, Hermione. I know it sounds like a lot, but honestly, there’s no family more deserving of happiness than this lot.” 

“Let’s do this thing!” Jonathan yells after a moment, jumping into the air. “We have our orders, boys! Ooooh, I never thought I’d be in the army but she can work some camo! Trust!” He begins stomping down the street in an imitation march. 

[The scene cuts to the guys, plus Ron and Hermione, standing in a darkened entrance hall. Hermione conjures her Patronus and sends it away with a message for Harry.]

“Is that a troll leg?!” Bobby gasps. 

“Come through to the sitting room!” A magically-magnified voice calls out. 

[Hermione nods to the group and leads the way through the corridor to a large, open room. An enormous fireplace and floor-to-ceiling windows dominate the room, which has an odd assortment of mismatched furniture. Children’s toys and books are strewn everywhere. The camera zooms in on Harry Potter, who stands amongst the chaotic sitting room looking cautious. A small boy with bright turquoise hair is at his side, clutching a toy hippogriff in each hand. His jaw drops.]

“Aunt Hermione! IT WORKED! IT WORKED! THEY’RE HERE!” Teddy screams and runs to hug his aunt. 

Jonathan pushes forward. “Yes, little man!” He leans down to high five Teddy. “We’re here! Where are my two gorgeous bachelors?!” 

“Harry! Teddy! What in Salazar’s name is going on in there?!” Draco Malfoy strides into the room wearing long, dark blue fitted robes. His trademark blond hair falls straight down past his shoulders, and he stops short when he sees the assembled crowd. “What…?” he trails off, looking to Harry. 

“Hellooooo Draco Malfoy! I’m Tan France,” Tan moves to shake his hand. “Your son Teddy nominated you and your partner Harry for a makeover on our television show. We’re part of a team that’s here to give you a total boost!” 

Draco looks completely lost. “Is this a joke?”

Harry steps forward and puts his hand on Draco’s shoulder in an effort to reassure him. “Hermione told me a few weeks ago that Teddy had written a letter for us. He thinks that my clothes are in need of an overhaul, and apparently you’re too stuffy in your formal robes all the time. He thinks that maybe it can make us a bit _happier_ , yeah?” He raises his eyebrows meaningfully at Draco. 

“Oh my god in heaven but the letter that your son wrote us actually made me cry!” Jonathan says. 

[the camera pans to Teddy, who is looking at his parents nervously and fidgeting with the hem of his aunt’s sweater.]

“I...I just….on the show, people who are really nice and do lots of good stuff get nominated by people who love them and then they get new clothes and new hair and Bobby makes them a whole new house and at the end of the show the people are always so happy! And you two are really nice and do lots of good stuff and I want you to be happy like that.” Teddy looks nervous, and his hair shimmers between dark brown and turquoise. 

Draco’s face softens as he looks at his son. He walks over and crouches down to be at his eye level. “Oh, Teddy. You are the kindest, most thoughtful child. Harry and I are certainly not unhappy with our lives! But if it will make you feel better to see me wearing Muggle trousers, then I suppose I will have to suffer through the indignity.” 

Harry exchanges relieved looks with Ron, and at that moment a white blur comes racing into the sitting room and crashes into Antoni’s legs.

“No, Trogs!” Teddy yelps.

Antoni bends down and begins to shower the small dog with love. “It’s ok! Oh, he’s perfect! Hello, new friend!”

“He’s mostly blind,” Harry explains, “so he runs into things a lot. And it’s also how he got his name, Troglobite.”

“We call him Troggy or Trogs or Sir Bites a Lot.” Teddy says proudly. 

“I love him! He’s so adorable. We’re bonded for life.” Antoni continues to snuggle the dog, who is now licking his face excitedly. 

“Well, I suppose we should begin with this ‘makeover,’ then. What exactly does this entail? I warn you, I have little patience for shenanigans and I won’t be signing any waivers without my solicitor’s consent.” Draco stands glaring at the four men who are still standing, his arms folded across his chest.

Harry slings his arm around Draco’s shoulders and smiles at him. “Oh, come on! I’ve watched a few episodes of their show and it’s all good fun. Plus, Jonathan might finally convince you to cut this ridiculous hair.” Harry runs his hand through the long blond strands.

Draco snorts. “I’ll submit to whatever ridiculous, non-permanent changes you want to make for the sake of my son. And besides,” Draco cranes his neck to lift an eyebrow at Harry and level him with a smirk. “You love my hair, Potter. You’d mourn its loss.” 

Harry blushes a bit and removes his fingers from where they are toying with the ends of Draco’s hair. “I admit nothing, Malfoy.” 

[Antoni confessional/interview: Harry looks at Draco like he’s hung the moon, and Draco is no better. I can see why Hermione has no doubts about their feelings for each other. How we’re going to get two powerful, stubborn wizards to admit their feelings is another story. I’ve always had luck adhering to the old adage that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!] 

Karamo clears his throat, looking between the two men with raised eyebrows. He turns to the little boy standing nearby. “So, Teddy! Tell me about a day in your life. Why did you nominate your dads to be on Queer Eye?”

“Queer Eye?!” Draco says incredulously from the sofa.

“Shh!” Harry admonishes playfully. “Let Teddy explain.”

Teddy stands up a bit straighter and takes a deep breath. “Well, if it’s a school day then Draco comes and wakes me up and I brush my teeth and wash my face and put on my school clothes.”

[B-roll of a Teddy pulling up red knee-length socks and straightening his tie plays while Teddy’s voiceover continues.]

“Kreacher makes me breakfast in the kitchen while Draco has coffee and we listen to our morning music and sometimes we dance to get all of our wiggles out. Then Harry comes down because he’s not a morning person like Draco so he’s always a bit late but he makes sure I’m at school on time before he goes to work at the Ministry of Magic.

[A decrepit house elf wearing a stained tea towel shuffles around the kitchen getting a breakfast of toast and fruit together. Draco, grasping a large mug of coffee, and Teddy dance in the kitchen to Golden Years by David Bowie. Harry enters yawning, looking sleep-mussed but smiling fondly at the scene. He picks up Teddy and spins him around.]

“Harry’s an Auror teacher so he shows all the new Aurors how to be good at dueling because he’s really good at it and also he loves to teach and he doesn’t want to be in the field like Uncle Ron because it’s very dangerous and he needs to be safe so that he can come home every night to me and Draco.” 

Teddy smiles at Harry, who’s gone to sit on the sofa next to Draco. Harry grins back and motions for him to go on. “Remember to take a breath there, Teds.”

“Wow, what a good start to your day!” Bobby says.

“Yeah, it’s quite good,” Teddy says, considering. “So then I go to school and at school, it’s OK but not as good as at home. I have to learn maths and how to write, and it’s really hard work. But then Draco picks me up from school and we have tea and sometimes we visit Harry at work.

[Footage shows Draco and Teddy taking coffee and biscuits to Harry and visiting with him at his desk in the Ministry. Draco glares at the camera periodically.]

“We usually go to the park on the way home to say hello to the ducks, even though Draco says he doesn’t trust ducks because they’re basically just dinosaurs and they’ve seen too much. But I like the ducks and if we didn’t go see them they might worry about what happened to me so we stop and wave and give them some bread.”

“Aww, ducks are so presh!” Jonathan says. “They’re precious tiny dinos!” 

Draco scowls.

“We try to always have dinner together, but sometimes Harry has to work late or Draco is trying to finish a potion so we don’t get to every night. But mostly we eat as a family. Kreacher cooks but also Harry and Draco help because sometimes Kreacher forgets ingredients because he is very old.”

[Footage of Harry and Draco standing side-by-side in the kitchen, chopping vegetables and chatting, often looking at each other and smiling. Teddy sits at the table completing homework, while Kreacher stands in the corner muttering to himself and throwing angry glances at the camera.]

“Then we have bathtime and someone reads me some stories even though I’m really good at reading by myself! But my dads do the reading at nighttime because they do good voices with the characters. And then I go to sleep.”

“And what about on the weekends?” Karamo asks, smiling.

“Weekends are the best!” Teddy exclaims. “We usually go see my Granny Andy at St Mungo’s but she’s forgetful and sometimes doesn’t remember who I am so I have to remind her with pictures and lots of hugs. Then we go flying, or we go have picnics, or we go to Granny Molly’s and Grampy Arthur’s house to see all my aunts and uncles and cousins because boy do we have a big family. But my favourite is when my dads let me watch a movie. We sit in here with our jammies and eat popcorn and cuddle.”

[Teddy sits between Harry and Draco on the sofa in the sitting room, eating popcorn and laughing at what they’re watching on the television. Teddy and Harry are wearing comfortable-looking pajamas, while Draco is wearing black robes with the highest buttons on the neck undone. Both men have their arms slung around Teddy, their longer limbs overlapping behind their son.] 

“Well, me and Harry wear jammies. Draco always wears those robes that swish around so much. Uncle Ron says he just likes being dramatic and is trying to be like his godfather Severus but I dunno. I just want him to be cosy with us.” 

Draco scoffs and Harry throws his back and laughs.

[Karamo confessional/interview: it’s clear that Harry and Draco are incredibly doting and loving fathers. Teddy is a bright and fun child, and it’s heartwarming to hear him talk about his life with his dads. What we need to get to the bottom of is why Teddy feels the responsibility to make them happy.]

“It sounds like you have a great life here, Teddy,” Karamo says. “What made you write us a letter?”

“Well, I was watching your show with my Aunt Hermione, the girl right over there.” Teddy points to where Hermione is now sitting in one of the old leather chairs near the fireplace. “And you are all really good at making peoples’ dads and moms and even grandmas seem so much happier than they used to be. And sometimes I think my dads work too hard. Also, they need to wear different clothes because they are handsome but they hide it. Both of them.”

Draco huffs indignantly and Harry chuckles. “Fair enough!” he says. 

“And then there’s the biggest reason, but it’s the Secret Reason that Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron told me to keep my lips sealed about so we can’t talk about it here.” Teddy mimes zipping his lips.

“Err, Teddy,” Harry begins, “remember what we’ve talked about regarding keeping secrets from us?”

“Harry, you’ll just have to trust us on this one,” Hermione says. 

“Yeah, mate. Trust us.” Ron smiles conspiratorially. 

[Ron interview/confessional: Look, it’ll be a bloody miracle if these five blokes can achieve what no one else has been able to in the past decade. But I’ll try anything to make Harry happy, you know? He’s my best mate, and he and Draco deserve each other. And if this show doesn’t work, then I’ll just lock them in a bloody closet together until they admit they’re arse over tits for each other. Am I allowed to swear?]

“It seems like this room is the focal point of your home,” Bobby says loudly, apparently trying to change the subject. “I think we could do so much with this space. It’s huge, for one thing, and these windows are amazing. And look at that antique chandelier! I can’t wait to get started!” 

“That means it’s time to spill the beans, boys! Where are your bedrooms?” Jonathan claps his hands in glee.

“What?! Why?!” Draco shouts.

“We need to evaluate what we’re working with here, obvs!” Jonathan replies.

“Oh just go with it, Malfoy.” Harry pats him on the shoulder. “It’s for Teddy. Follow me!” he says to the group, pushing up from the sofa. 

“That’s our cue then!” Ron says. “Tedward, you and me and Hermione are going to the aquarium and then to Diagon to see what new gadgets your Uncle George has got on.” 

Teddy looks torn. “But the Fab Five need my help! You know my dads don’t cooperate well.”

“Don’t worry, my man! We can handle these two. And we will definitely have time together later.” Karamo kneels down and holds out his fist for Teddy to bump. 

Teddy sighs dramatically. “Well, if you’re sure.” He bumps his small fist against Karamo’s. He turns to Harry and Draco. “Dads, you have to behave for them! Draco, no hexing anyone. Even if they insult your robes! And Harry, you have to fess up about your holey pants, OK?” 

Everyone laughs, even Draco, but Teddy looks determined. “Promise?”

“We promise to behave, Teddy. Now go have fun!” Harry says, grinning.

[The cameras follow as Harry leads the way up a grand, but old, staircase. At the first landing, he gestures down a well-lit hallway lined with several closed doors.]

“Teddy’s room is the first door on the left, and mine is right across from his. He and I share the bathroom that’s second on the right. Draco’s is the third on the left; he has an ensuite bathroom. We’ve closed up most of the rest of the house, as it’s much too large for us and Kreacher can’t take care of it all in his advanced age.” 

“Harry, let’s start with you. Why don’t you show us your wardrobe?” Tan says, moving towards the door. “I want you to take us through your current clothing and tell me all about how you choose what you’re going to wear on any given day.”

“Right. Sure. Let’s go.” 

[He flicks his wand and the door opens to reveal a large, untidy bedroom, which the group quickly fills. His bay windows look out onto the street and are draped with heavy dark red velvet curtains that are pulled back to allow natural light to flood the room. The walls are painted a creamy white and are cluttered with framed photographs and random drawings clearly made by a child. An old four-poster queen-sized bed has been hastily made, done up with linens in dark reds and golds. A pile of books and a half-drunk glass of water sit on a nightstand. A dilapidated wooden dresser stands unevenly in one corner.]

“Erm, welcome to my bedroom?” Harry says, unsure. 

“You mean your Gryffindor den,” Draco says from where he’s leaning against the wall. 

“Oi!” Harry says, turning. “Just wait until they enter your Slytherin lair, you hypocrite!” 

Draco purses his lips in an attempt not to smile. Instead, he raises an eyebrow and waves his wand at the dresser, which deposits a pile of pants onto the bed. 

“They don't need to see these, Draco! You wanker!” Harry yells, flailing at the flying underwear.

“ _Au contraire_ , Harold!” Jonathan says, holding up a pair of green boxer shorts adorned with flickering golden snitches. “These are too much, and yet not nearly enough, all at the same time!” 

[Harry interview/confessional: I mean, who would want a group of strangers and a camera crew going through their underwear drawer? But, hey, I’m game. _Harry shrugs and smiles_. I love the show, and I’ve always wanted to try a French tuck... Plus, watching Draco experience this is priceless.]

“So, Harry. What do you wear on a usual work day?” Tan asks, ruffling through a drawer of mostly white undershirts. 

“Erm, well, I wear my Auror robes. So, not too many choices there.”

“But what do you wear under them? I haven’t lived in Britain in years but from what I remember Aurors would wear those great big wool things that were basically just overcoats.” Tan replies, opening another drawer. “Where do you keep the rest? Where are all your jumpers? Every British man worth his salt has to own at least one knit jumper.” 

“Allow me!” Draco says delightedly. He runs over to a wooden door and opens it dramatically. “Welcome to the cave of broken dreams. The worst-kept secret of the Wizarding World is Harry James Potter’s truly outrageous collection of old jumpers.” 

Bobby and Jonathan run inside, emerging moments later both wearing old, faded knit sweaters in different colors emblazoned with large “H”s across the chest. 

“These are iconic!” Jonathan screeches, twirling around. “My cousin had a poster of you wearing one of these! I think it must’ve been during your Hogwarts years because you hadn’t grown into your shoulders yet. And boy have you filled out, you gorgeous hunk!” Jonathan winks.

Harry blushes and Draco shoots Jonathan a glare. 

“I mean, Harold, you’ve certainly grown up since your high school days… that’s a normal thing to say, right?” Jonathan amends, looking at Bobby for confirmation. 

“His full name isn’t Harold, you know,” Draco says, narrowing his eyes at Jonathan, who is attempting to pull on the snitch boxers over his skin-tight jeans. 

[Draco interview/confessional: Am I happy about this? Absolutely not. Would I do anything to make my son happy? Obviously. If it takes five gay men picking apart my wardrobe, well, I suppose that parenting takes sacrifices. And it’s completely worth it to watch Harry squirm.]

Tan claps his hands to get Harry’s attention. “So? What do you wear under your robes?” 

“Oh, err… I usually just grab whatever’s at the top of my drawer. So, you know, jeans and a jumper mostly. A tee-shirt in the summer, if it’s warm enough.” Harry responds, looking warily at the scene playing out in front of him. 

“Do you not have a dress code at work?” 

“I mean, not really? Down in the training rooms, we keep it quite casual.”

“You mean, _you’re_ casual,” Draco supplies from where he’s perched on the edge of Harry’s bed. “Whenever we visit you, your fellow instructors are generally wearing pressed trousers and button-downs or blouses. And the trainees have special uniforms. But you’re you, so you can wear whatever you like,” Draco says, inspecting his nails. 

[Jonathan confessional/interview: oh mama, that queen is spicy! Did you see the look Draco gave me when I called him Harold? Those two are as blind as their adorable little puppers Troggy if they honestly don’t think they’re both crazy in love with each other.]

“Harry, how you present yourself directly influences how people treat you. I know you’re the Chosen One, but if you want to be respected by your colleagues and students, then you need to show them the best, most confident version of yourself,” Tan says, holding up a faded button-down shirt the colour of mud. “This shirt says to me, ‘I don’t take myself seriously and neither should you.’ Don’t you want to show the world that you’re a grown-ass Saviour and not a scruffy teenager?” 

“Err, well, yeah…” Harry says, sounding unsure. 

“Either you do or you don’t,” Karamo interjects. “Be confident in your power and don’t waver in your statements! Make it clear that you know who you are and walk tall!” 

“Harold, my love, come to the bathroom!” Jonathan calls from outside the bedroom. “We need to talk about your beauty regimen.” 

Harry shoots a nervous glance at Draco and then hurries into the small bathroom that he and Teddy share. Jonathan is inspecting the labels of the few bottles and tubes in the cabinet.

“Give me an am/pm rundown. What’s your skincare routine?”

Draco appears at the doorway. He snorts and says: “What routine?”

Harry shrugs. “Err, mornings I splash some cold water on my face, brush my teeth the muggle way, and I usually shave using a muggle razor as well. If I’m running late I use a charm. Draco makes me that salve,” he points to a blue glass bottle “to put on after I shave. It’s excellent and smells like lemons. And at night, I brush my teeth before bed.” 

Jonathan sniffs the blue bottle. “Oh yes, this smells like a citrus orchard after a rainstorm! Drakey-pie what’s in this?”

“Oh no. _Absolutely not_.”

“He doesn’t like pet names,” Harry says, smiling. “Believe me. I’ve tried many. I think Mal-Mal was my favourite, although the strength of the stinging hex he sent me after I used that one definitely wasn’t warranted.”

“Bite me, Scar Head,” Draco says, a small smile playing at his lips.

“Make me,” Harry shoots back. 

[Jonathan confessional/interview: OK, so, Draco and Harry’s love is like a sweet angel baby chipmunk. We need to take it into our hands and pet it and snuggle it and whisper to it that it's beautiful and wonderful and nurture it and try not to scare it away. And sometimes, we need to put that chipmunk up to a mirror to examine its life decisions because BONJOUR MON AMOUR those two are heating up this tiny bathroom!]

“Ummm, ok so Harold? Eyes back here. Just because you’re stumbling through your morning routine doesn’t mean that your skin and hair have to suffer. We’re going to get you fixed up to glow like the bronzed god that you already are, under all that scruff. Maybe Mal-Mal will make you some more personalized products, hmm?” 

“I think I hate you,” Draco says. Jonathan just laughs loudly and Harry looks nervous.  
“Oh please honey child, you don’t hate me! Just you wait until you see your man over here glistening in the morning light, his hair tousled instead of ... Whatever it is he has going on now.” 

Draco and Harry look at each other for a moment, mouths open as if to respond although neither says anything. 

“I think it’s time to explore your queendom now, your majesty!” Jonathan says quickly, pulling Draco out of the bathroom with him. 

[The camera pans around a pristine bedroom, decorated with dark, ebony furnishings. The emerald green velvet curtains match the bedspread; muted silver accents adorn a large pile of throw pillows that look meticulously arranged on the bed. Three photographs decorate the mantle of a large fireplace, and the camera zooms in on each in turn: the first shows a young Draco with his parents, all three looking rather stiff and serious, the second shows an infant Teddy asleep on Draco’s chest, and the third shows Harry and a toddler-sized Teddy smiling and waving at the beach.] 

“Wow,” Bobby says as he enters the bedroom. “It doesn’t look like anyone even lives in here. Draco, you keep a tight ship!” 

“Quite,” Draco says shortly. “If you’ll get on with the insults regarding my wardrobe choices? I dare say we might be finished here before afternoon tea.”

Harry points his wand at Draco’s armoire. “Your turn, you posh git.” The door swings open and a drawer empties its contents onto the bed. “Let’s see what embarrassing pants you have!”

He reaches his hand into the pile, grabbing at random. “Aha! Look at these…” Harry breaks off with a choking sound. He’s brandishing a pair of lacy red knickers. 

Draco screeches and lunges across the bed. “Unhand my pants, Potter!”

“These are _yours_?” Harry asks, his cheeks turning a dark red. 

“Don’t ask stupid questions! Of course, they’re mine. They’re in my armoire, which you blasted open like the brute that you are!”

“Hey! You did the same thing to me!”

“Oh, because the holey boxers from sixth year that you still wear are so scandalous.”

“I didn’t expect to have lingerie flying around, Malfoy! These are so…”

“So, what? Salazar help you if you’re about to insult my private choices.”

Harry blinks at the knickers that he’s still clutching in his hands. “They’re so... _tiny_. How do you fit your…” He looks up suddenly. “I mean! It’s your life! You can put your - err, wear whatever you want!” 

Draco snatches the offending garment from Harry and stuffs it into the pocket of his robes. “Ta ever so much for your approval,” Draco says sarcastically, looking ruffled. “Well? What are you all looking at?” He snaps.

[Jonathan, Bobby, Karamo, Antoni, and Tan are all standing awkwardly, watching the back and forth between Harry and Draco play out. Troggy yips from where he’s sitting in Antoni’s arms.]

[Harry interview/confessional: Of course, I mean, Draco is an adult! He can wear whatever he wants! I just wasn’t expecting to see … those. _He clears his throat_. But yeah. Err, that’s great. For him. To wear those things. _Harry’s eyes unfocus for a moment as if he’s thinking of something else. He shakes his head sharply_. Sorry, what was the question?]

“Live your truth, henny!” Jonathan shouts suddenly, snapping his fingers in the air. “Wear what makes you feel beautiful!”

“Yes, Draco, let’s see what else you wear on a daily basis! Show me your famous collection of robes,” Tan says, moving towards the armoire. 

[Draco interview/confessional: Well, I suppose the Niffler’s out of the pouch. I have very specific tastes when it comes to my pants. And it’s no one’s business but my own. If Harry can’t deal with it, then that’s his problem. Why? _He flicks his hair behind his shoulder_. Did he say something about them?]

“I’m going to … err, go see if Kreacher can bring us some biscuits? Perhaps an early tea?” Harry says unnecessarily loudly, his cheeks still red. He runs out of the room. 

Draco rolls his eyes.

[Tan interview/confession: _Tan raises his eyebrows at the camera_. I. Mean. Come. On.] 

_________________

[Camera pans around a large, old kitchen. Antoni pokes around in the cabinets while Kreacher watches from the corner, wringing his hands and muttering to himself.]

“I’ve never worked in a kitchen with a house-elf,” Antoni says, looking uncomfortable. “I feel like I’m invading his space.” 

“Kreacher is very unhappy with the goings on in the ancestral home of Master Malfoy. Kreacher is expecting this sort of uncouth behaviour from Master Harry, but Kreacher knows Master Malfoy is being raised better than letting all sorts defile the noble -”

“Kreacher!” Draco says quickly. “You know better than to use that sort of language.”

“Kreacher would punish himself severely, but his new masters have forbidden it,” Kreacher responds, looking disappointed and disapproving at the same time.

“That’s right, Kreacher. Why don’t you take a seat and join us for some tea?” Harry says pleasantly.

The house-elf mutters something unintelligible and retreats from the kitchen with a loud pop.

“What sorts of things do you like to cook? Are there any family recipes that you grew up with?” Antoni asks Harry and Draco, who are seated at the large wooden dining table. 

The two exchange a look before Harry clears his throat. “Well, err, neither of us have particularly fond memories of childhood meals before we left for school. So we make a lot of new things that none of us have ever tried, or we try and recreate some of our favorite Hogwarts meals if we’re feeling uninspired.”

“I used the Malfoy library to research the Potter family and was able to track down the location of his great grandfather’s birth. Since then, Harry has been experimenting with some South Indian recipes to get more in touch with his roots.”

Harry blushes. “It’s very experimental. Turns out that despite my heritage, I can’t handle too much spice, and recently it’s been hard to convince Teddy to eat anything that isn’t brown.” 

“Can I ask about how you two came to have this arrangement? With both of you as guardians of Teddy?” Bobby questions, helping himself to another Jaffa cake. 

“Teddy is actually the son of my late cousin Nymphadora, and Harry is his godfather. When my Aunt Andromeda began displaying signs of dementia, Teddy was about a year old. Harry and I had already begun to mend our relationship, and we’d both spent quite a lot of time with Teddy.”

“Turns out, we’d both separately talked to Andy about taking custody of Teds, and she asked if we’d consider raising him together,” Harry interrupts. “She wanted him to be brought up with as much family around as possible. And so, six weeks later a toddler and two clueless idiots moved in here and somehow it worked out.”

“To my recollection, it was a toddler, a dashing young pureblood, and one gormless git,” Draco says, a small but genuine smile on his face. 

“To my recollection, your animosity at Hogwarts was legendary. I only overlapped a few years, but I remember a few rather intense quidditch matches and the rumour of an illegal duel?” Tan remarks. “What changed? Was it Teddy?”

“There were some, err, complicated things that happened during the war that let me see Draco in a different light.” Harry rubs the back of his neck. “And when I was outed by the press about two months after the trials ended, Draco was the only other gay person I knew of. He helped me deal with a lot of the fallout, and we got much closer.” 

“Teddy seems like a delightful kid,” Karamo adds. “Tomorrow, you two will meet Tanny for some shopping, and then you’ll both meet up with me and Teddy for an afternoon adventure. We’ll bring Sir Bites A Lot along with us, so it’ll be a full family outing!”

At the sound of his name, the dog lifts his head up and gives a little yip from where it’s laying on Jonathan’s lap. 

“That’s our cue to leave you be for the night!” Tan says, standing up from where he’s sitting at the table. “Thanks for your hospitality. I can’t wait to continue this journey with you two!” 

[the camera watches the Fab Five leave the kitchen, and then pans back for a final shot of Draco and Harry, who are still sitting at the table. Their heads are bent in conversation, and both men are smiling at each other.] 

_________

“I look absolutely ridiculous, Potter!” Draco hisses as he attempts to pull down on his trousers.

Harry gives Draco a quick once over as they approach the storefront. “You can change back into robes as soon as we’re done in the Muggle shop! And you look fine. I’m sorry that between the two of us our tailoring charms are shit, but I did the best I could. If you hadn’t told off Kreacher this morning I bet he would’ve fixed those trousers.”

“Oh, whatever. This is going to be broadcast across the wizarding world, and I look like … well, I look like I’m wearing your clothes.”

“You are wearing my clothes, Draco.” 

[The camera zooms out to show Harry and Draco walking up to Bonobos.]

“Good morning, gentlemen!” Tan greets them warmly, sweeping his hands around the shop. “Welcome to the first international location of my favorite store, Bonobos! They have everything you need to get fitted out to be the professional instructor and the cosy dads that you are. Ready?”

Harry looks around, scratching at the back of his neck. “Err, yes? I don’t think I’ve actually been shopping for myself since I last grew, so maybe seven or eight years ago?” 

“Oh please, you haven’t grown since sixth year,” Draco scoffs, looking distinctly uncomfortable. 

“Don’t mind him, Tan, he’s just cranky because he owns no Muggle clothing beyond the pajamas Teddy got him for Christmas last year and he’s been forced to wear my things,” Harry explains. 

Tan laughs. “We’ll fix that right away. Draco, you’re a tall drink of expensive bottled water and I think with your complexion, we should stay with jewel tones. How do you feel about cashmere?”

[Draco interview/confession: It’s not that I have anything against muggle clothing, in theory. I’m just far more comfortable in wizarding robes. I tend to stick to clean lines and expensive fabrics in muted colors. I suppose, however, that if Teddy feels as though I should don trousers every once in a while, I can make the sacrifice.]

“And you, Mr Auror, will be introducing well-fitting clothing to your wardrobe,” Tan says to Harry, holding up an Oxford shirt in pale green against Harry’s chest. “I can tell you’re the sort to avoid fitting rooms at all costs. But I’m sorry my dear, you’re going to grin and bear it for the sake of your son and for the sake of your bum. It’s my mission to find you something that actually accentuates what the founders gave you, not hide it.” 

[Harry interview/confession: I’ve never given much thought to what I wear. But I do want to be taken seriously at work. There’s an opening once Lead Instructor Gerritson retires next year, and I don’t want to be passed over because of my ripped denims. I suppose Karamo and Tan have a point. _Harry shrugs_.]

[Montage of Tan walking Harry and Draco through the store and loading their arms with various pieces of clothing. Harry looks overwhelmed and Draco looks progressively more annoyed.]

Tan sits on a chair outside of the fitting rooms. “OK boys, time’s up! Show me your first outfit.”

“I need a second! I don’t know how these trousers are supposed to zip!” Harry calls. 

Draco opens the door, looking at the ground. He raises his arms. “Well?”

Tan gets up. “Oh, Rowena wept! You are stunning!” He pulls Draco over to the mirror, standing behind him. 

Draco takes in his own appearance. He’s wearing fitted, ankle-length tan chinos and a navy-striped cashmere crewneck sweater with brown leather penny loafers. “I suppose it could be worse.” 

Tan brings over a wool peacoat and a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. “Here, put these on. You can wear something like this on a casual Saturday out with your family, or even on a date in the Muggle world.”

Draco spins a bit and makes a pleased sound. “My arse does look fantastic in these trousers.” 

Harry coughs behind the two of them. “Err, I don’t know if I put this all on right?”

Draco makes a strangled noise and grips the coat in his hands tightly. Tan claps his hands delightedly. “Yes, Mr Potter! Yes!” 

Harry’s wearing a dark blue suit with a white, lightly checked Oxford shirt and a tie with a subtle floral pattern. He tugs on the neck of the shirt. “I had to use a spell to tie the tie,” he admits. 

Tan stands behind him and adjusts the jacket, smoothing out the lines at his shoulders. “You look like a million pounds, Harry. Every man needs a real suit, and this one fits you like a glove.” 

Draco stares at Harry, his cheeks pink. “You look quite … put together.” 

Harry’s eyes rake over Draco and he clears his throat. “And you. Muggle clothing suits you.” 

Tan shoos Draco back into the fitting room. “Now try on those joggers, they’ll be perfect for watching films on the sofa with Teddy.”

Draco walks back into the room and closes the door. Harry continues to look at himself in the mirror. “Are you sure I don’t look like I’m trying too hard?” he asks. 

“Harry, you look like a real adult. Look in the mirror and tell me what you see.” 

“Err, I see me? But, I look like a me who’s maybe going to a wedding. Or some other fancy affair, probably one that Draco’s dragged me to.”

“No. Try again. You need to take yourself seriously before anyone else will!”

“Ok, ok. I see Harry Potter, but a Harry Potter who looks quite, err, professional.” He pulls at his cuff. “Perhaps a Harry Potter who could be up for Lead Instructor.”

“You look like someone Teddy would be proud of, Harry,” Draco says. 

Harry turns his head and gasps, then starts coughing. His cheeks darken. 

Draco is wearing soft-looking gray joggers, a dark green vest, and a knit cardigan. The joggers leave little to the imagination. 

[Tan interview/confession: it’s almost too easy at this point. But I have to say, I’m good. _Really_ good. _Tan buffs his nails on his shirt and smirks_.] 

___________

[Camera pans around Hampstead Heath. It’s partly cloudy, but the sun shines through in patches. The park is dotted with groups of people: families sitting together, kids flying kites, dogs playing fetch. Karamo and Teddy, who’s holding Troglobite’s lead, wave at Harry and Draco, who approach their checkered red and white blanket and picnic basket.]

“Wow! You look great!” Teddy yells, jumping up. “Draco, you look like a movie star with those sunglasses on!”

“Looks like you had a successful morning!” Karamo says. He’s reclining and wearing a black sequined bomber jacket and tight jeans. “Take a load off and join our picnic. I’m sure Tanny forced you to work up an appetite.” 

Harry plops down on the blanket and reaches for a sandwich. “Tuck in, Draco!” 

“I’m not sure how to sit in these trousers.” He replies. “Won’t I wrinkle them if I sit on the ground?” 

“Nah, they’re denim! They’re made to be worn in casual situations.” Harry says around a mouthful of food. 

Draco raises an eyebrow. “We’re meant to be teaching Teddy proper manners, you ridiculous oaf.” He sits down gingerly. 

“So, I want to talk about communication today, team,” Karamo says, raising his eyebrows meaningfully at the two men. “Clear, open communication is incredibly important to every relationship, particularly when it comes to families. I want to ask Teddy to communicate with us why he feels like he’s in charge of making his dads happy.” 

“What?” Teddy says, looking up from where he’s feeding the dog bits of meat off of his sandwich. “I don’t think I’m in charge of anything at home except keeping my room clean and minding Trogs and helping with chores.” 

“Well,” Karamo begins, “in your letter, you said that you were worried that your dads aren’t as happy as they could be. That you wanted us to come and make them happier. Why do you think they’re not happy, Teddy?”

Teddy pets Troglobite, who’s clouded eyes are looking around curiously. “Um, I dunno. I mean, I just… I just want them to be happy with me and with our life together. I don’t want them to think that they were happier before they took me in.” Teddy keeps his gaze on Trogs. 

Harry and Draco both open their mouths to speak, but Karamo holds up his hand. “Teddy, can you tell us more about that feeling?”

Teddy shrugs. “My dads make me really happy. I love being a family with them, but sometimes I get afraid that they won’t always be happy with me here with them. What if I make them sad or I do something real bad and they don’t want me anymore?”

Harry reaches out and puts his hand on Teddy’s arm. “Teddy, there’s nothing that you could ever do to make us not want you. You’re our son.”

“We want you more than anything in the whole world, Teddy,” Draco adds. 

“Have your dads ever told you that they would send you away?” Karamo asks Teddy gently. 

Teddy shakes his head. “No.”

“When they tell you that they love you, do you believe them?” 

Teddy shrugs. “We don’t really say that much.”

“You don’t tell each other ‘I love you' much?” 

Teddy looks over at Draco and Harry. He shakes his head. “But I know that we love each other because I feel it in my heart.” 

“But you don’t say it?” Karamo questions. 

Harry and Draco look at each other sadly. “Oh Teddy,” Draco begins. “We absolutely love you!”

“I know!” Teddy looks at Karamo. “I know my dads love me. They write it in my birthday cards and Harry said it to me on Christmas.” 

“You remember every time I’ve told you I love you?” Harry asks softly. 

Teddy smiles. “Of course!”

Harry looks crestfallen, and Draco worries his bottom lip with his teeth.

“Harry, Draco. Let me ask you two a question. Were your families affectionate when you were younger? Did your parents tell you they loved you very often?” Karamo asks.

Draco is quiet for a moment. “I honestly don’t remember my father ever telling me he loved me, in those words. He told me he was proud of me, or would praise me when I’d done something he deemed ‘worthy.’ He would sometimes pat me on the head, especially when I was a child. My mother tells me she loves me in every letter she writes, but she’s always been a woman of few words. And I remember her being somewhat physically demonstrative when I was a child, hugging me and the like.” 

“Molly Weasley was the first person who told me they loved me,” Harry responds. “Right after Sirius’ funeral. I was fifteen.” 

“What about physical touch, Harry?” Karamo asks again. 

“Err, well, the Dursleys were… I mean, my uncle was quite… rough with me when I was a child.” He glances at Teddy, who’s looking at Harry with wide eyes. “But, once I got to Hogwarts, people hugged me all the time. Hermione was constantly doing it, and even Ron would when we said goodbye for summers.” 

“Thank you for sharing that with me, you two. I think that what we have here is a difference in communication styles.” Karamo says gently. “And how we can rectify this is to simply be more vocal with our feelings, and more giving with our physical signs of love. For example, how does it make you feel when you hear Teddy say that he’s nervous you might not want him anymore?”

“It makes me feel absolutely terrible, Teds,” Harry says quickly, “because it means that I haven’t done my job as your dad to make sure that you feel wanted and safe every second of every day.” 

“I love you, Teddy,” Draco interjects. “I love you more than the moon and the stars. And I will never not want you as my son, safe with me in our home.” 

Harry pulls Teddy into his lap and gives him a squeeze. “Seconded! I want you to live with me and Draco forever. Until we’re terribly old and you have to take care of us. I love you, Edward Remus Lupin. I’m sorry I haven’t said it enough. And prepare yourself for lots of hugs.”

Teddy smiles and hugs Harry, then climbs over him and hugs Draco. “I love you too, dads.” 

“I promise that I will endeavour to remind you much more often how much I adore you,” Draco says, pressing a kiss to Teddy’s head. 

“Practice makes perfect when it comes to learning how to communicate with your loved ones. And if you’re unsure, just ask!” Karamo smiles at the three of them. “When my sons came to live with me, we all had to figure out what each other’s boundaries were, and to make sure we were fulfilling each other’s needs as best we could. You can always check in with your dads, Teddy, if you think they might be sad. And the same goes for you too, Harry and Draco.”

“Thank you so much for telling us how you’re feeling, Teddy,” Harry leans forward and scratches behind Troggy’s ears while he talks. “You can always come to one of us, or to both of us, any time. Day or night. Rain or shine. We’re here for ya, kiddo.” 

Teddy giggles, and Karamo pulls out a large bundle of colorful fabric from behind the picnic basket. “OK, enough serious talk! Who wants to fly a kite?” 

“I’ve never done that before, but I’d love to learn,” Draco says, rising to his knees and reaching for the dog’s lead. “Come along, Sir Bites a Lot. Let’s go fly a kite! And I do believe there are some sticks you might be interested in gnawing on.” 

________________

[The camera takes in the sitting room of the Potter/Malfoy residence, which is now covered with tarps and has a small construction crew at work.]

“We’re going to open this space up a bit, make it more inviting for our little family to spend time in here!” Bobby says loudly, trying to be heard over the din of tools. “I’m going to reorganize the wall opposite the fireplace to house Teddy’s toys and books, and we’re getting a whole new color scheme and furniture that’s going to brighten up the place. I’ll start on the upstairs tomorrow!” Bobby laughs, gesturing with his wand in his hand. “And I have to say, is it heavenly to be able to use magic in the open! Our magi-crew is used to working under all sorts of disillusionment charms and we’ve had to Obliviate more no-majes than I’m willing to admit in the past few years on this show. Now you can all see how I manage to get everything done in less than a week: with literal magic!”  
__________________

[The scene cuts to Harry walking into a chic-looking salon in central London and greets Jonathan, who’s waving wildly at him.]

“OK, so, Harold! Tell mama what’s going on with this mop. I mean, obvi the unruly curls are your trademark, but what’s the deal with this gravity-defying ...thing?” Jonathan finishes with a question. He’s stood behind Harry, who’s sitting in a stylist’s chair, looking at him through the large mirror that’s on the wall opposite. 

Harry smiles and shrugs in response, scratching at his stubble-covered jaw. “I tried for the first fifteen or so years of my life to tame it in some form, but it’s never done anything except...this.” He waves his hand at his head. 

Jonathan’s fingers get stuck in Harry’s hair as he tries to run them through the mass of curls. He carefully extricates them, maintaining a big, genuine smile. “Well, this hair has never met its match. And that match is me! Duh! I’m going to tame this mane, and you are going to strut around the Ministry for Magic like a pageant queen on her victory tour, henny. Let’s get you shampooed and ready!” He claps his hands in delight, then takes off Harry’s glasses and places them on the table in front of the chair. “Allons-y!”

[Moments later the camera shows Harry being escorted back to the chair, his hair now wet and a towel draped over his shoulders.]

“I’m going to give you some direction, and then I’m going to show you how to recreate the style by yourself in the comfort of your own home. I think we’ll leave your stubble for now - it reads as ‘sexy and a little bit dangerous,’ right? Ready, chipmunk?”

Harry nods. “Go ahead and try.”

“Oh sweetie, there is no try. There is only do!” Jonathan begins combing through his wet hair. “So, just between us girls, how’s this been for you? Overwhelming? Wonderful? The best days of your life?” 

Harry chuckles. “It’s been fantastic! I had the first positive clothes-shopping experience of my life yesterday, and I think my relationship with Teddy has already improved. Karamo is truly amazing.”

“Don’t I know it. He’s a wizard with getting people to open up about their emotions and engage in some personal growth. In addition to being a literal wizard, obvs. Ha!” Jonathan beams at Harry’s reflection in the mirror. He starts snipping here and there, measuring strands with his deft fingers. “I think I’ve been a very polite, good little Jonathan so far, but it’s time to put on the kettle and spill the tea. We are in England, after all! What is the deal with you and Draco? Are you lovers in the night or what? The tension between you two is so thick and steamy I would have to put on my wellies and a raincoat to wade through it!” 

Harry’s eyes grow comically large. “Err, tension? What? We’re not lovers! There’s no steam!” He splutters.

Jonathan stops cutting and puts his hands on Harry’s shoulders. “Sugar pie. Honey bunch. I’m just saying what I’m seeing, and what she is seeing is not only a whole mess of sexual tension, but also a whole mess of love! The way he looks at you… and the way you look at him!” Jonathan fans himself with his hand. “Are you really telling me there’s nothing between you two?”

Harry sighs and closes his eyes. “I mean, I have no idea what’s going on in that head of his. Some days it seems like he’s about to strangle me for simply existing, and then the next he’s leaving me little notes in the lunch he’s packed for me.” 

Jonathan nods and goes back to cutting. “And…?”

“And, I’ve been in love with him for the past seven years.” Harry’s cheeks turn bright red. “Oh, Merlin. This is going to be on bloody television!” 

“Have you two ever had an actual conversation about your feelings?” Jonathan asks, ignoring Harry’s misgivings and moving to stand in front of him.

“No,” Harry admits. “Absolutely not. We’ve had moments where I thought, ‘sod it all, I’m going to tell him how I feel,’ but I have Teddy to think about, yeah? What if Draco’s disgusted and wants nothing to do with me romantically, and then it’s horribly awkward at home, and he decides to move out or something? I couldn’t do that to our family.” 

“Harold Amelia Bedelia Buckingham Potter the third,” Jonathan says seriously. “You’ve known Draco for most of your life. You’ve been raising a child together for over six years! You’re in love with the man. I think you know him very well. Even if, for some unknown reason, he didn’t return your feelings - which, if he doesn’t, then Meryl Streep didn’t deserve an Oscar for her portrayal of Miranda Priestly and _we all know she is the queen of the universe_ \- do you really think he would break up the family that means so much to both of you over it?” 

“Err…no?” Harry responds, unsure.

Jonathan tips Harry’s chin up with his pointer finger so that Harry is looking directly into his eyes. “Life is short. Love is terrifying, but it’s also a mystical, magical rainbow journey full of baby goats wearing onesie pajamas. Do a George Michael and have a little faith, boo boo. You two could have so much happiness together.” 

Harry doesn’t reply for a few moments, and Jonathan returns to cutting his hair. Finally, Harry says, “You do know my name isn’t Harold Amelia Bedelia ...whatever else you said, right?” 

“Don’t change the subject, Mister Vanquisher of All Evil! Are you going to tell Draco you love him in a ‘I want to have your babies and hyphenate our last names and buy a summer home on Fire Island type of way’?” 

Harry sighs dramatically. “I might as well, seeing as how I’ve already admitted it to you while cameras are rolling! Maybe this is the push I needed?” 

Jonathan winks. 

[The scene cuts to show Jonathan raking his fingers through Harry’s shorter, tousled curls. His usually unruly hair looks stylish and clean. Harry is turned away from the mirror, and Jonathan is looking at his work delightedly.]

“Oh yes, mama! Someone call Brittney because oops I did it again!” Jonathan twirls the chair around so Harry can see the results of his cut. 

“Oh, wow,” Harry says in awe. “It looks… amazing. I look like a normal bloke!”

“ _Normal_? Oh please henny! You look like an Adonis ready to go get you your man!” 

Harry smiles widely. “I’ve honestly never seen my hair look this good before. Are you sure you’re a squib?” 

Jonathan winks again and shrugs. “She’s got some tricks up her sleeve.” 

_________

[Camera shows Draco walking into the same salon that Harry vacated moments earlier. He looks around and tugs self-consciously at the sleeve of his gray cashmere sweater.]

“Bienvenue! Welcome to my laboratory, Draco!” Jonathan says, sashaying up to his client and giving him two air kisses on either cheek. “You look positively sickening in those muggle clothes. Tanny did right by you! Now, follow me!”

“Sickening?” Draco asks, trailing behind Jonathan. 

“Wonderful! Devastating! Sickening!” Jonathan says, and presents the salon chair to Draco, indicating with his arm that he should sit.

“Right.” Draco clears his throat and sits gracefully, crossing one long leg over another.

Jonathan starts stroking his fingers through Draco’s blond hair, which falls to just below his shoulders. “How long have you been wearing your hair like this? Is it your trademark look?”

“I’m not sure about ‘trademark’ look, but I suppose I started growing my hair out during my last few years at Hogwarts. I just lost interest in the upkeep of my shorter style...” Draco trails off, meeting Jonathan’s gaze in the mirror. He lifts one shoulder in a shrug. “It’s easy enough to manage at this length, and I can tie it back when I’m brewing potions.” 

“I’m obviously no stranger to long, luxurious style!” Jonathan flicks a chunk of his long, brown hair behind his shoulder. “But it seems like maybe you’re ready for a bit of a change. What do you think about taking some of the length off? Nothing too dramatic, but I think this ‘do you’re working could use an update.”

“I suppose I’m open to something different,” Draco responds, looking cautious.

“Don’t play coy with me, young man. Look, you have the bone structure of a Grace Jones and David Bowie love child so you certainly don’t need to hide behind your hair. I’m going to give you some texture and show you some ideas for styling it so that the next time you and Harry want to have a night on the town, he won’t be able to take his eyes off of you!” 

Draco opens his mouth to respond, but Jonathan claps his hands together and shouts, “Let’s get this party started!” 

[Scene cuts to Draco, hair wet and wearing a salon cape, again seated in the chair with Jonathan standing behind him.]

“Tell me about the potions that you make for your hair and skin,” Jonathan demands as he works his fingers through Draco’s wet hair. “They smell divine! Do you sell them?”

“Oh, no. I make them for myself, and Harry kept pilfering them from my bathroom so I started creating some especially for him.” 

“Organic, good-for-you and good-for-the-earth type brands are super pops right now! I bet you could market them to Gen Z-ers and make an absolute killing. Send them gratis to some ‘gram influencers and you’ll be featured on a Buzzfeed listicle in no time.” 

“You know, I think I only understand about half of the things you say.” 

Jonathan laughs. “It’s hard to remember that you don’t have much contact with the no-maj world! Is that by choice or by necessity?” 

“Well, I don’t have much cause to interact with that part of society.” Draco sighs. “I swear I have no issue with Muggles any longer. I’ve learned the egregious error of my ways and also learned a lot about muggles and their culture in the past decade. And to be perfectly honest with you any hesitation I have in immersing myself in their world is that I’m simply overwhelmed by it all. Did you know that an electrical current can kill you?! And the internet!” Draco shudders. “Hermione and Harry have both tried to give me tutorials on using electronic mail, but with little success.” 

“You sound like my grandmother!” Jonathan laughs. “But I taught her how to use her iPhone last year, and honey, she is on all the dating apps. That woman has a boyfriend for every day of the week.” 

“I have the utmost respect for people who can master those devices, but I certainly don’t see a future for myself in such things.” Draco smiles. “Besides, I have Harry to navigate it all for me.” 

“Mmmhmm,” Jonathan says. “So you and The Chosen One are …” 

“Is there a question in that statement?” Draco says, raising an eyebrow. 

Jonathan rolls his eyes. “OK mama, I see how it is! Let me be blunt: have you told Harry that you’re in love with him?” 

“Excuse me?” Draco says, indignant.

“You heard me, Mr ‘I pretend that I don’t understand Ms Jonathan’s questions but I know perfectly well what she’s implying’!” 

“Well, I…” Draco looks at the camera, his expression morphing to cool indifference. “I don’t see how this is relevant! My relationship with Harry is between the two of us, not with all of the viewers of this ridiculous show.” 

“Oh no, honey,” Jonathan says, pausing in his cutting. He moves to stand in front of Draco and looks him in the eye. “Look here, madame. I know exactly who and what I am, and my show is a wonderful, beautiful light in the darkness of this crazy, often cruel world. So don’t come at me with that shade!” 

Draco looks down for a few moments, then up again to meet Jonathan’s gaze. “I apologize for my reaction. I don’t … respond well to being challenged.” He looks at the camera again, nervous. “I suppose that I’m hesitant to further embarrass myself. Karamo has already coerced more emotional statements from me in the past 24 hours than I’ve admitted to in the past 24 years.” 

Jonathan sighs. “You’re adrift in the scary, dark waters of your own emotions my sweet Drakey-poo.”

Draco winces but remains silent.

“Believe me when I say I know what you’re going through, sweetie. But you can’t live your life being afraid of your own shadow! From what I’ve heard, you’ve already dealt with buckets of darkness and it’s time for you to get some sunshine-y goodness up in here!” Jonathan pats Draco on the arm and moves back behind him to continue cutting his hair. “Plus, mama ain’t blind! I see how you two are around each other. And the viewers at home won’t need to hear you say you’re in love with him when they’ll be able to see it for themselves.”

Draco closes his eyes. “I suppose I understand your point.” He’s silent for a few moments before he says, quietly, “I think I’ve loved Harry since before I even acknowledged that I was gay.” 

Jonathan doesn’t respond; he waits for Draco to continue in his own time. 

“It’s always been him, for me. We have an acrimonious history, to say the least, but we’ve gotten past all that and we have a family together. I won’t give that up for my own selfishness.” 

“Oh my dear, sweet, precious, adorable little Dray Dray. You wouldn’t be giving anything up! You’d be adding another layer to the Potter-Malfoy-Lupin sandwich of love!”

“You’re assuming that Harry shares my affections and wouldn’t abscond into the night to be away from me and my inconvenient feelings.” 

“I can’t speak for Harry,” Jonathan says, continuing to snip here and there with his shears. “But from where I’m standing, what you two have going on is not one-sided. Have you ever thought about telling him you like-like him with your whole heart?” 

“Of course I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never entertained the notion in reality.” 

“There’s no time like the present, you cauldron full of hot, strong love!”

Draco groans. “Tell me Celestina Warbeck isn’t popular in The States?”

“She is an icon! How can you call yourself a gay man and not worship at the altar of our queen Celestina?” 

Draco laughs, looking surprised at his reaction. “I suppose I have a lot to learn.” 

“Before I school you in everything about the Divine Mrs Warbeck, I just want to leave you with this question: if Teddy came to you, extolling the virtues of someone he’d fallen madly in love with, but was afraid to confess his feelings, what advice would you give him? I find it very hard to believe that you’d tell your son to lock his love away.”

Draco meets Jonathan’s gaze in the mirror. “I …” he begins.

Jonathan cuts him off. “Just think about it, sweetie.” He squeezes Draco’s shoulder. “Now, back to the Singing Sorceress herself!” 

[Scene cuts to Jonathan standing back, appraising the cut he’s given Draco. Draco’s hair is significantly shorter, and has more volume and texture than before.]

“You charmed the heart right outta me, Draco Malfoy!” Jonathan looks gleeful. “You were obvi a gorgeous hunk before, but now you’re ten, ten, tens across the board!” 

Draco inspects his reflection. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen my hair look this good. I am truly impressed with your handiwork.” 

Jonathan claps his hands and does a little jump. “Watch out or I’ll get the impression you actually like me, sweetness!” 

“Stranger things, I suppose…” Draco says, smiling. 

__________

[Camera shows Harry, Draco, Teddy, Karamo and Antoni standing in front of the large butcher-block island in the kitchen with an array of ingredients laid out in front of them.]

“To honor Harry’s heritage, we’re going to make a sambar today! It’s a staple in South Indian households and pretty easy to make so all three of you will be able to help,” Antoni says.

[Antoni confessional/interview: cooking as a family is a great way to bond and solidify relationships. I chose this recipe because it’s healthy, hearty, and simple enough that even Teddy can partake in its preparation!]

“It uses fresh tamarind, which is a great weapon in any chef’s arsenal, and it’s especially popular in South Indian dishes. The tamarind is both a fruit and a legume, and it’s incredibly potent. A little goes a long way!” Antoni explains, picking up the pods and showing them to the assembled group. 

[Teddy confessional/interview: I love to cook with my dads! I’m not allowed to use the big knives yet but usually Draco helps me chop while Harry tells us what to do. Mostly I just like being all together, even when Kreacher grumbles about being allowed to do his duty to the Noble House of Black.]

“I thought you might like to make this for Teddy’s birthday party this weekend?” Antoni asks, looking at Draco and Harry. “It’s easy to make a big helping of, and you can showcase your newfound skills.” 

“That sounds like a great plan!” Harry picks up a bowl of bright yellow powder and sniffs. “Is sambar spicy?” 

“It can be, but the beauty of Indian cooking is that you can usually adjust the spice level to suit the tastes of the eaters.” Antoni answers. He takes several tomatoes and onions and places them on the kitchen table, next to a chopping block. “Karamo, will you help Teddy cut these while I show Harry and Draco how to make their own sambar powder?” 

“Sure! Let’s go, little man,” Karamo says, leading Teddy to the table. “I prefer to chop veggies the no-maj way. I think they always have a funny taste if you use spells.”

Teddy smiles. “I like it when I get to help, so I like doing it the Muggle way. I can’t wait until I get my wand.”

“Don’t say that, Teddy!” Draco calls over his shoulder. “I don't want you to leave for Hogwarts a day earlier than you absolutely have to. I can hardly believe you’re going to be eight years old.”

“Yeah, mate. Don’t rush to grow up, ok?” Harry adds, smiling at his son. 

“Draco, can you rinse these lentils?” Antoni asks, pushing the bowl of unwashed lentils towards the blond. 

Draco nods and his hands go to his hair before he stops and grimaces. “I keep forgetting that I’ve chopped off all my hair,” he laments. His hair falls midway between his chin and his shoulders, and half of it is currently clipped back into a loose ponytail. 

Harry glances at Draco with a soft smile. “I quite like your new look, actually. You can still be all overly dramatic and swish your hair about, but you can see more of your face now.” 

Draco’s cheeks darken a bit, but he responds quickly to Harry. “I am never overly dramatic. I am only ever the proper amount of dramatic.” 

Harry chuckles as he continues to mix together the ingredients that Antoni placed in front of him. 

“What do you think of Harry’s new ‘do, Draco?” Antoni asks, looking at him from out of the corner of his eyes. 

Harry picks his head up and meets Draco’s gaze, a question in his eyes. 

Draco shrugs nonchalantly. “Well, he certainly looks less like he’s just rolled out of bed.” He clears his throat. “I suppose it’s a much more...distinguished look for him.” 

“Careful, Malfoy, you wouldn’t want to strain yourself and accidentally compliment me,” Harry responds, amusement in his voice. He knocks his shoulder against Draco’s and smiles. “I’ll take distinguished, though.” 

Draco rolls his eyes, but smiles. 

“Why do you still refer to each other by your last names?” Karamo asks. “Is it a defense mechanism?”

Harry turns, bemused. “Err, no? I think it’s a habit...I call him Draco usually, but sometimes I forget and revert back to what we called each other when we were young.” 

“I tend to call him Potter when he’s being especially obtuse.” Draco rejoins. 

“I think they do it when they’re flirting,” Teddy says casually, inspecting a tomato.

“What?!” Harry and Draco shout in unison. Karamo laughs and Antoni raises his eyebrows. 

“We don’t...flirt!” Harry splutters.

[Karamo interview/confession: kids just say the _darndest_ things, huh?]

“How do you even know what flirting _is_ , Teddy?” Draco demands, his hands on his hips. 

Teddy regards his fathers calmly. “Well, Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron are always poking at each other and laughing and looking at each other weird. And Aunt Ginny and Aunt Luna do it too, but they also kiss when they think no one’s looking. Granny Molly said that they’re just ‘flirting’ when I asked what they were doing.” He spreads his hands as if it’s obvious. “And you two do that, but not with kissing or anything. You just say sort of mean things but you’re smiling a lot and laughing, and then sometimes you touch each other. So, it’s flirting, right?” 

[Harry interview/confession: _head in his hands, his voice is muffled_. I shouldn’t let that kid spend so much time at The Burrow.]

“Teddy, Harry and I would never be so boring as to copy something that your Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron do,” Draco says calmly. 

“I think that this is a good conversation, actually,” Karamo interjects brightly. “Harry, Draco, have you been practising what we talked about at the park? About showing your family that you love them with your words and actions?” 

“Well, yeah, I think so!” Harry answers. “To Teddy, I mean. I told him I loved him this morning when he suggested we have some wake-up cuddles.” 

“Yes, and Teddy and I had a nice long chat about showing affection before bed last night.” 

“But you don’t tell each other ‘I love you,’” Teddy points out. “Don’t you two love each other? Aren’t we a family that loves each other?” Teddy’s little eyebrows rise on his forehead, demanding an answer. 

“Of course I love Draco,” Harry says immediately, then freezes, his hands still in a bowl of fenugreek seeds.

Draco draws in a sharp breath and his head whips around to face Harry. “What?” 

“Err, I mean…” Harry’s eyes are open comically widely. “I forgot I have to...loo! Now!”

Harry sprints out of the kitchen, knocking the bowl of spices to the ground in his haste. 

Teddy looks distressed. Antoni turns the burner on the stove off and shares a look with Karamo. 

“Draco, I think, maybe…” Karamo beings.

“ _Oh I rather think not_!” Draco looks outraged and stomps out of the room after Harry.

[The camera shakes as it attempts to follow Draco out of the kitchen. It stops abruptly behind him as he pounds on the door to the bathroom on the ground floor of the house.]

“Harry James Potter you let me into the bathroom this instant!” Draco shouts.

“I’m not letting you in! I’m using the bloody bathroom!” comes Harry’s response.

“You lying git! You do not get to run away from me this time!” He waits a few seconds, to no avail. “Fine! I will blast this door down! Just wait until Bobby sees the mess you’ve made!”

A few moments pass before the door clicks open. Draco enters and slams the door behind him.

[Producer’s voice, off-screen: they’re mic’d right? Please [bleep]ing tell me they’re mic’d!]

[There are several moments before some shuffling and feedback from the microphones stops and Draco’s voice becomes clearer.]

“...can’t take it back. You said what you said and I need to know - I _deserve_ to know - Harry,” Draco’s voice breaks a bit. “Did you mean what you said in the kitchen? Do you love me?”

Silence, and then a loud sigh. “Yes. I love you.”

“Are you in love with me, though? More than as … as two men who share a son and are trying to keep a family together and have thus spent many years in close proximity might love each other?”

Harry sighs again, sounding exasperated. “Yes, Draco. I am in love with you.” He says resignedly. “I’ve bloody well been in love with you for the past seven years, you absolute arsehole. I have no idea why.”

“Harry? Harry. Look at me.”

“Why are you crying? Is it that bad? Oh, Merlin. Please, Draco, don’t let this ruin our family! I’ll get over it. I prmmmph…” Harry’s voice breaks off, and the sound of fabric being pushed into the microphones that both men are wearing on their shirts is heard, along with the distinct sound of lips smacking against each other. 

“Blimey, Draco…” Harry says breathlessly. 

“I love you too, Harry,” Draco whispers. “I’ve loved you for so long I don’t know how to exist _without_ loving you.”

The sounds of kissing once again take over the audio, before Harry’s voice is heard and abruptly all sound is cut off and replaced with an odd, faint humming sound.

[Producer’s voice: what the hell just happened?!  
PA: I think Harry cast a silencing charm?  
Producer: Well, un-cast it or whatever it is you do!  
PA: _scoffs_ Do you really think I have the power to counter a charm put up by Harry Potter?]

[Scene cuts to the bathroom door opening, revealing Harry and Draco, disheveled but smiling.]

“Err, sorry about the silencing spell, but we needed some privacy,” Harry explains, blushing slightly. 

“And now we need to speak to Teddy. He looked quite alarmed by your exit, you great pillock. Come along, Potter!” Draco is already halfway down the hallway. 

“Good to know that a change in our relationship won’t affect your forms of address.” 

“I’m a creature of habit, you know this about me,” Draco replies, smiling over his shoulder at Harry. 

[The kitchen is much as they left it, except Antoni is now sat at the table with Karamo and Teddy and is helping them chop vegetables. The three of them look up as they hear Harry and Draco re-enter.]

“Are...are you both ok? Is our family OK?” Teddy asks, leaping up from the table and running over to his fathers.

Draco pulls Teddy to him in a hug. “Yes, Teddy. We are fine. Our family is intact, as it will always be.” 

“How about we sit down and talk about what happened?” Harry suggests, looking to Karamo who smiles and nods encouragingly. 

“Why did you run away after you told Draco you loved him?” Teddy demands once he’s again seated at the table. His face is scrunched up into a grimace. “You’re not supposed to leave a room until a discussion is finished,” he admonishes. 

Harry chuckles. “You’re right, mate. I know that in this house we always allow each other to finish a conversation because it’s very bad manners otherwise. But when you heard me say that to Draco, that was the first time that I’d ever told him that I loved him.”

“Ever?” Teddy’s eyes are wide with shock.

Harry nods. “Ever. And I got scared, because I was afraid that Draco didn’t love me back. So I panicked, and I ran away.” 

“But, I went after him. Because it’s completely uncouth to profess love and then retreat like that” Draco continues. “And we talked. And I told Harry that I love him, too. We love each other in a _romantic_ way. Do you understand?” 

Teddy nods, beaming, and claps his hands. “Did you have a kiss, then?” 

Karamo and Antoni both laugh.

“We did, Teddy. Is that… OK with you?” Draco asks, uncertain. “If Harry and I were to be more affectionate with each other? Because that’s what we were talking about in private. We want to be in a romantic relationship, but if for some reason you don’t like it, then we want to talk it through. As a family.”

“Are you joking? It’s better than OK! It’s brill! Getting you two to admit you’re in love was the secret reason that the Fab Five were here!” 

Harry puts his forehead on the table with a _thunk_ and groans. Draco crosses his arms over his chest and raises an eyebrow. “Explain further, Teddy.”

“Well, anyone with eyes that work can see that you two are in love, like the sort of love that Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione have. I bet even Troggy knows and he can’t see anything! But you wouldn’t tell each other that, and Aunt Hermione said that the situation was becoming dire. So we decided to write a letter to the only people who I knew would be able to help.” Teddy gestures at Antoni and Karamo. “And also you both dress really bad so it was easy to get you to believe that was the only reason they were here.” 

“Badly,” Draco corrects absently. He sighs.

“I suppose we should thank you, then,” Harry says, lifting his head and smiling at Teddy. “Even though you are a very sneaky child and I will be on the lookout from now on for devious plans!” He stands, ruffles Teddy’s hair, and goes to stand behind Draco’s chair. He puts his hands on the other man’s shoulders, and squeezes gently.

“Well, I for one could’ve done without having the international wizarding community see my floundering love life used as television fodder,” Draco asserts, bending his head back to look up at Harry. 

Harry shrugs, then leans down to press a quick kiss to Draco’s lips, which draws out a deep blush across his cheeks. “But who knows how long it would’ve taken you to admit you’re madly in love with me?” 

Teddy looks at his dads, who are smiling besottedly at each other, and then addresses Karamo. “Are they going to be kissing and stuff all the time now? Maybe I didn’t think this plan through, really. It’s pretty icky to watch.” 

“Don’t worry, Teddy, I’m sure you’ll get used to it. My husband and I are very affectionate at home, and my boys don’t mind. It’s good to have parents who show their love for each other and not just for you.” 

Teddy sighs dramatically. “I guess I’ll just have to put up with it.”

______________

[Scene cuts to the Fab Five standing in the foyer outside the sitting room with Draco, Harry, and Teddy.]

“OK, are you ready to see your new space?” Bobby asks, his hand on the doorknob. 

“Yes yes yes!” Teddy screeches. 

[Bobby opens the door, revealing an almost unrecognizable sitting room. Instead of heavy drapes, mismatched furniture, and a mess of toys on the floor, the room has been redecorated with a warm, yet clearly child-friendly feel. The large bay windows have been expanded to allow more natural light, and are now hung with gauzy white curtains; the walls are painted a subtle gray, and the house’s original decorative moulding and light fixtures have been cleaned and restored. The fireplace is decorated with framed photographs of Harry, Draco, and Teddy, as well as their extended family and friends. All of Teddy’s toys are now in stylish, labeled bins along one wall. A huge sectional sofa in dark blue dominates one side of the room.]

“Oh, my,” Draco says, awed. He enters the room and spins around slowly, taking it all in. 

“This is absolutely fantastic,” Harry says, smiling at a large picture of Teddy and Draco in front of a Christmas tree that now adorns a decorative side-table.

Teddy was already inspecting the bins that contained his various toys and craft supplies. “Wow, Draco, Harry, look! All of my Legos are sorted by colour!” 

“Bobby, how did you do this?” Draco asks, now inspecting the antique carpet that covered much of the floor. “This rug used to be in the library at Malfoy Manor.”

“I had some help from Mrs Narcissa Malfoy née Black herself,” he responds.

Draco whips his head up, his eyes widening slightly. “She gave this to you?”

Bobby nods. “She also supplied my team with a large selection of photographs. I’m telling you, that woman is a force of nature. I’ve never seen posture like that in my life.” 

[Draco interview/confessional: I had no idea that my mother was involved in this. Draco sniffles slightly, clears his throat, and sits up straighter. I must admit that I’d rather she hadn’t provided quite so many photos of me during my clothing-optional years, but I’m certainly grateful that she wanted to add some familiar touches to Bobby’s design. I have wonderful memories of countless hours spent sprawled out on that rug, my nose buried in various books.] 

Jonathan waltzes across the room with Tan. “I never want to leave this room! I live here now!” Jonathan declares. “It’s so homey and perfect for your cosy family.” 

“Shall we go see the rest?” Karamo asks, trying to herd Antoni, who is carrying Troglobite, towards the stairs. “We’ve got a lot more to show you!” 

[Scene cuts to Teddy’s newly redecorated room, which now sports a reading nook, a bunk bed, and a ceiling charmed to show a partly cloudy yet pleasantly sunny sky.]

“This is so wicked!” Teddy yells, falling onto a large cushion and gazing up at the sky. 

“And at night, you can watch the stars,” Bobby explains. “No matter the weather, you’ll always be able to see them clearly. And you can ask your dads to move the view around, so you can see the Draco constellation and Leo, and even Andromeda and Sirius and any other of your star-named family members.”

Teddy grins happily. “I can’t wait to tell my cousins about this. None of them have a real sky on their ceiling!” 

“Bobby, this is fantastic,” Harry says, clapping him on the shoulder. “I don’t know how to thank you.”

“We’re not done yet!” Bobby responds. “Follow me, gentlemen!”

The group stands outside of Draco’s bedroom door, waiting for the reveal. 

“OK, so our team took a leap of faith. A pretty _huge_ leap of faith, actually, considering we started this room before you two boys got your act together and got with the smooching.” Bobby throws open the door and gestures for Draco and Harry to enter.

[The bedroom now has white walls, and the floor is back to the original hardwood. Just as in the sitting room, the moulding at the ceilings has been restored, and the space is dominated by a huge wooden-framed bed piled with fluffy blankets and pillows in shades of ivory and white. There is a green velvet chaise lounge near the window with a deep maroon coloured throw on one end. On either side of the bed is a small nightstand, one piled with the books from Harry’s room and the other with Draco’s reading glasses sitting on top. There are two matching armoires along one wall, and the framed pieces of Teddy’s art that once decorated Harry’s bedroom are now hanging above them.] 

“Err….” Harry begins, looking around the room. “This looks fantastic, but why are some of my things in here?”

“Harry you are daft as a bush. They obviously mean for us to share.” Draco says, rolling his eyes. “And I have to say, Bobby, your taste is fantastic. The aesthetic echoes the Malfoy pied a terre in Paris.” 

“I’m glad you approve!” 

“Wait, we’re moving in together?” Harry asks, his cheeks flushing. 

“We’ve lived together for the better part of a decade, Potter.”

“Yeah, but not… _together_ together.”

“If this is moving too quickly for you, I’m sure Bobby has kept your atrocious furnishings somewhere,” Draco snaps, turning to inspect the photographs arranged along the mantle. 

“Dads! You’re being complete nutters. Karamo just told us how to communicate with each other!” Teddy stomps into the room, standing between Draco and Harry. “You’re in love and you want to kiss all the time so you should have the same bedroom. That way you can do that gross staring at each other thing and it’s easier if I have a bad dream ‘cause I can just come to one room to get cuddles.” 

“That’s a very good point, mate,” Harry says, chuckling.

“No one is pointing a wand to your head, Harry. I certainly don’t want to cohabitate with someone who is unwilling.” 

“Oh stop it, Draco.” Harry moves to put his arms around Draco, pulling him into a hug that Draco does not return. “I was just surprised! Of course I want to cohabitate with you, you berk. And I’m going to keep hugging you until you reciprocate, so by all means, take your time. I’m sure the Fab Five have nothing better to do than watch you pout.”

Draco scoffs, but puts his arms around Harry. “I am _not_ pouting,” He grumbles, his face tucked into Harry’s neck. 

“Get over here, Teds,” Harry extends an arm out to where Teddy is scowling at his parents. He rolls his eyes but allows himself to be pulled into the embrace. 

“Ugh, we have got to get out of here before I literally move all of my belongings into this beautiful home and demand that you raise me as your other child!” Jonathan exclaims, wiping at his eyes. “This family is simultaneously giving me life and taking it away with their adorable-ness!” 

“Bobby, did you move all of our clothes and everything in here already?” Harry asks, looking towards the armoires.

“Of course! This bedroom is ready to be lived in - you don’t have to lift your wand to get anything in order.” 

Harry grins and leans in to whisper something in Draco’s ear, who turns bright red and swats at Harry’s arm. “Potter! Honestly!” 

“What’d you say to him, Harry?” Teddy asks, looking between the two.

“I simply inquired after some specific articles of Draco’s wardrobe that I wanted to ensure are safe and sound.”

“Your father is a crass beast!” Draco declares, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “This is going to be broadcast _internationally_ , for Merlin’s sake!” 

[Scene cuts to the group back in the living room.]

“Unfortunately, it’s time for us to bid you three goodbye!” Karamo exclaims. “I can honestly say that I can’t imagine a better way to kick off our visit to England. Working with you three has been absolutely wonderful.” 

“Oh you absolute angels! I love you all. I’m so excited to keep watching you grow as a family.” Tan says, wrapping Harry up in a hug before moving on to Draco. 

Antoni is whispering to Troglobite when Teddy suddenly bursts into tears. 

“Teddy! What’s wrong?” Draco sinks to his knees immediately and starts checking him for injuries. 

“I just don’t want them to leave!” Teddy cries, miserable. “They helped us so much and they are so nice and I want to keep them here!” 

Jonathan joins Draco on the floor, a tear falling down his cheek. “Listen to your Auntie Jonathan, OK sweets? You are all part of the Queer Eye family now. We’ll be seeing more of each other, I know it!” 

Teddy nods and hugs Jonathan tightly, sniffling into his long hair. 

“After all, someone will have to make sure that your dads’ wedding isn’t some sort of Pure Blood fever dream,” Bobby laughs. 

“Careful, Bobby,” Draco replies. “Harry might go into apoplectic shock at any talk of marriage.” 

“Oi, I’m right here!” Harry says, indignant. “And I think I’d quite like to marry you, _at some point in the future_ , thank you very much.”

Draco’s cheeks darken and he clears his throat. “Well, that’s…”

“Call us when you’re ready,” Karamo interrupts, smiling widely. “At ‘some point in the future.’ Until then, we’re going to enjoy some much deserved rest at the Fab Five’s London Loft, where we can watch you three prepare to host your family for Teddy’s birthday celebration.” 

“In all seriousness, I really can’t thank you lot enough for what you’ve done for our family. It’s been life-changing.” Harry looks around at the assembled group. “Our relationship with Teddy is better than it’s ever been, and who knows what it would’ve taken to get me and Draco to this point without that salon chair and Jonathan’s subtle manipulations.”

Jonathan winks and blows a kiss at Harry. 

“I believe Ron mentioned locking you in a cupboard,” Tan says. “He seemed quite serious, actually.” 

Harry laughs and Draco rolls his eyes. “And I’m the dramatic one?” 

[More hugs go around. The scene cuts to show Draco, Harry, and Teddy waving goodbye from their front door. The Fab Five pile into their SUV and drive off.]

____________________

[Camera pans around the London Loft, showing everyone except Antoni piled onto a large sectional sofa that’s set up in front of a huge flat-screen tv.]

“OK everyone, let’s take a look at how our beloved family is faring as they get ready to host Teddy’s birthday party!” Bobby says, settling into the sofa with a large bowl of popcorn. “Antoni, what’s the hold up with our cocktails?”

“Good things come to those who wait!” Antoni calls from the kitchen, where he’s assembling drinks on a large tray. 

[Antoni confessional/interview: I created a new cocktail in celebration of our inaugural episode in England! It’s called “The Drarry” and uses bitters, grapefruit, and vodka for that perfect combination of sour and sweet. Look for the recipe on our Instagram!]

[Scene cuts to Harry and Draco’s new bedroom, where the pair are getting dressed.]

“Potter, if you come out of that bathroom wearing the Rolling Stones shirt with the rip in it that you were cooking in, I swear to Merlin I will set it on fire.” Draco stands in front of a large mirror, considering his reflection. He’s in fitted tan trousers and a soft black turtleneck with the sleeves pushed up to his forearms.

[The camera flashes back to the loft] 

“Oh yes queen! Look at how elegant she looks!” Jonathan yells, clapping his hands. “No-maj fashion agrees with that body. Tan you’re a genius!”

Tan mimes flipping his hair behind his shoulders, smiling. “Let’s wait and see what Mr Potter decides on wearing. He was the real challenge - once Draco saw how his own arse looked in Muggle trousers I could tell he’d never go back to those dowdy robes.”

[The door to the bathroom opens and Harry steps out. He’s wearing slate gray chinos rolled up at the ankles and a short-sleeved, slightly fitted chambray button down.]

“Oh ye of little faith! Tan taught me well. Actually, is it too cold out for this shirt?” Harry asks, holding his arms and turning slowly on the spot, letting Draco inspect his outfit. “Where’s that cardigan?”

Draco lifts one eyebrow and cocks his head. “You’ll do, I suppose.” A small smile plays at his lips despite his haughty expression.

Harry laughs and pulls Draco towards him by the hips. “Thank Circe! Draco Malfoy approves!” He presses a kiss to Draco’s lips and takes a step back. “Shall we go see what Teds has decided to wear?” 

Draco wraps his arms around Harry’s shoulders, pulling him in again. “Just a moment, hmm?” He tugs Harry closer and kisses him again, letting his fingers sink into Harry’s artfully-tousled hair.

[Back at the loft: the Fab Five are cheering and clapping, watching Harry and Draco’s embrace. “Do you think they forgot the cameras are rolling?” Karamo asks the room at large, taking a sip of his cocktail with raised eyebrows.]

A knock at the bedroom door causes the two to jump apart. Harry’s eyes widen as he looks directly at the camera. “Bloody hell, I completely forgot the world was watching us!” 

Draco shrugs. “I’m sure they’ve seen worse than the saviour of the wizarding world snogging his boyfriend.” 

“You can handle the Howlers yourself, then.” Harry opens the door to their bedroom to reveal Teddy and Troglobite, both dressed up for the party: Troggy is wearing a small bowtie and is trying desperately to get the cone-shaped party hat off of his shaggy head. Teddy looks like a combination of his dads, donning khaki trousers and a short-sleeved button down shirt with a bow tie that matches the dog’s.

“Let’s go let’s go! Everyone is going to be here and you two are taking absolutely forever!” Teddy turns and runs down the hallway. 

“Poor Trogs,” Harry says, leaning down to scratch behind his ears.

“He looks smashing,” Draco replies, following Teddy out of the room. “Come along, Potter!” 

________________

[Scene cuts to the newly renovated living room, which has been decorated with an under-the sea theme, complete with undulating papier mâché giant squid, balloons, and fairy lights. A small crowd has been assembled: Hermione, Ron, other assorted Weasleys and their children are scattered about. Narcissa Malfoy stands speaking quietly in one corner with Luna Lovegood.]

[Hermione interview/confession: I have to admit, the Fab Five far surpassed my expectations! I thought they had a good chance of getting Draco into Muggle clothing and I knew Jonathan would be able to do something with Harry’s hair, but I was sure we’d have to stage an intervention to get those two idiots to admit their feelings for each other. But now look at them!]

[Scene cuts to show Harry and Draco standing close together, talking to Pansy Parkinson. Draco’s arm is slung around Harry’s hip, and he’s gesturing somewhat wildly with his free hand, Harry’s head thrown back while he laughs.]

“I think this might be the most times I’ve cried while filming a single episode, y’all!” Jonathan says, wiping tears from his cheeks. “I cannot _even_ with this family!”

[Scene shows Draco carrying a giant cake in the shape of several frolicking dolphins, aglow with candles, towards Teddy, who is seated at a large table with Troggy on his lap, party hat still in place.The crowd sings “Happy Birthday” enthusiastically.

Teddy beams and hesitates, looking at his fathers, before blowing out his candles.] 

“Can we do presents now?” Teddy asks, his face smeared with the remnants of his cake. 

Draco and Harry exchange a look and Draco nods his assent. “Of course, Teddy. But Harry and I want to give you our gift first, if that’s OK?” 

Teddy giggles and jumps up, clapping. “Presents!” he shouts again, the sugar from the cake clearly fueling his sudden surge in energy. 

Harry pulls out a plain-looking envelope and hands it to Teddy. “You have to open it carefully,” he explains, using his wand to magically clean Teddy’s sticky fingers. “We only have one copy of that for now.”

Teddy looks puzzled but sits on the sofa. He takes his task seriously, his eyebrows drawing together in concentration as he slowly unsticks the wax seal and pulls out a stack of papers. “What is this?” He asks Harry and Draco, who are seated on either side of him. 

“Read it,” Draco prompts. “Start down here.” 

Teddy huffs out an annoyed sigh but looks down at the papers again, beginning to read slowly and haltingly where Draco’s finger is pointing. “...hereby declare that Harry James Potter and Draco Lucius Malfoy have petitioned to become the parents of Edward Remus Lupin.”

There are a few gasps heard around the room, and Molly Weasley bursts into tears. 

“I don’t understand. I thought you were already my dads?” Teddy says, not looking up from where the papers are clutched in his hands. 

“Of course we are! But, well, officially, we are your ‘guardians’. Draco and I decided that we wanted to make everything formal and adopt you.” Harry explains.

“If that’s OK with you, of course,” Draco adds, resting a hand on Teddy’s shoulder. “We would have to go to the Ministry and answer some questions and sign some more forms. But we want you to be _legally_ our son.”

“What do you think?” Harry asks gently.

Teddy takes a deep breath and looks first at Draco, and then at Harry. “You want me to be your son forever?”

“We’ve wanted you to be our son forever since the moment we all came home together for the first time, when you could barely walk and talk. This is just a piece of paper that’s filed away at the ministry. In our hearts, you’ve been our son for almost seven years.” Harry meets Draco’s gaze over Teddy’s head, raising his eyebrows and looking nervous. 

“Remus and Tonks were your dad and mum, and will be forever,” Draco continues. “But Harry and I want you to know that we never, ever, for a single moment, would consider a life without you here. You are our son, even if you don’t want us to file these papers.” 

Teddy lets his head drop into his hands, his little shoulders shaking as he cries. 

“Oh, Teds! We don’t have to do this now. I’m so sorry. We can talk about this later! Let’s open more presents, yeah?” Harry says quickly, putting his arms around Teddy in an effort to comfort him.

“No! No, I’m just s - s - so ha-appy!” Teddy wails, clutching at Harry’s shirt and burying his head into his neck. “Of course, I want you to adopt me!”

Harry exhales audibly, relief spreading across his face. “Get over here, Draco! Family hug.”

Draco scoots closer to Teddy and Harry and wraps his arms around them both, squeezing. 

[Scene cuts to the Loft, where all five of the guys are in various levels of distress, crying and mopping at their tears.]

“Look away! I’m an ugly crier!” Antoni shouts, trying to cover his face with his hands. 

“This is quite a moment in Queer Eye history,” Karamo passes around a box of tissues. “Love confessions and an adoption!” 

“I can’t wait to plan their wedding!” Tan says excitedly. “Do you think we could do a special episode? How long before one of them proposes?” 

[Scene cuts back to the Potter/Malfoy residence, where Teddy is fast asleep on the sofa surrounded by unwrapped presents. Draco and Harry sit on either side of him.]

“Well, that was a success,” Harry says, stretching out his arms and legs and yawning widely.

“Indeed. Shall we go to the Ministry tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow is Sunday, Draco.”

“Yes, but you’re the Chosen One. Call and remind them that you broke into the Ministry once before and you’ll do it again if they don't acquiesce to your demands.” 

Harry rolls his eyes, but then looks at Draco fondly. “I’ll call Kingsley tomorrow and see what I can do.” 

Draco pats Harry’s hand and nods approvingly. “To bed?”

Harry nods and carefully picks Teddy up from the sofa. He wakes up but allows himself to be carried. 

“Is the party over?” He asks sleepily, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“It is. Did you enjoy it?” Draco asks.

“It was the best birthday in my whole entire life.” He yawns again. “I love you, dads.”

“We love you too, Teddy,” Draco and Harry say in unison. 

“Now you have to say it to each other. Don’t forget. Communication is key.” 

Harry chuckles. “I love you, Draco.”

“I love you too, Harry.” He responds. 

[Scene fades out, theme music plays. Credits roll.]

**Author's Note:**

> ***
> 
> This work is part of "Lights, Camera, Drarry" (LCDrarry), a film-, TV- and theatre-inspired Drarry fest.  
>  The creators will be revealed on [tumblr](http://lcdrarry.tumblr.com) and [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/LCDrarry2020/works) on 15 June 2020.
> 
> Please show your appreciation to the creator with kudos and comments :)


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